Title: Where were you – part 5
Pairing: Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: She’d made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she’d told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.
Warnings: some angst and hurt/comfort
AN: I’m sorry for the delay – again. I really got stuck with the chapter – not to mention my life that kept getting in the way. ;) But here it finally is. I hope you enjoy it.
The last thing Jennifer remembered were Ronon’s arms wrapping around her to keep her from falling off the stage she’d been sitting on for at least an hour. Now, she knew that the most common two reasons that people fainted were exhaustion and in females, pregnancy. And since she was absolutely sure it couldn’t be the latter, she must have fainted due to exhaustion. It was no surprise considering what had happened yesterday. At least she thought it had been yesterday. When Ronon had found her on the stage, it had already been nighttime, but now it was pretty bright outside.
Her stomach rumbled then, making her realize that she hadn’t eaten anything in what seemed like an eternity; certainly another reason why her body had decided to shut down.
Much to her surprise, the scent of coffee wafted to her nose. She hoped it wasn’t her mind playing her tricks, because she really needed a coffee at that moment.
Her question was answered when Ronon appeared in the doorway, carrying a tray from the cafeteria filled with a proper breakfast.
“You’re awake,” he stated, bringing the tray into the room and setting it down on the bedside table. “You should eat.”
“What happened?” Jennifer asked, feeling her heart start to race when she noticed that she was dressed in her pajamas. Had he…?
“You passed out,” Ronon replied, sitting down on the side of the bed. “I brought you here and called Dr. Seavers. She said you needed to rest, changed your clothes, and told me someone should stay with you.”
“Thank you,” she said, sighing with relief. “I… I’m sorry I unloaded on you last night. You must think I’m an awful whiner.”
“I asked you,” he told her with a slight smirk, “Wouldn’t have if I hadn’t wanted to hear.”
“Thank you, Ronon,” she repeated, “For everything.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “You’re welcome. Now eat. Sheppard gave you the day off, and Teyla said she wanted to check on you later today.”
Jennifer decided to be a good girl and finish her breakfast. She did need to eat something; the strong coffee was also a plus.
Despite the fact that she kept telling him he didn’t need to, Ronon stayed with her until Teyla arrived, insisting that Dr. Seavers had told him not to leave her alone. It was sweet how he took care of her, which didn’t help Jennifer in her current situation of finding herself in love with the Satedan.
Teyla smiled knowingly at Ronon when he left Jennifer’s rooms upon her arrival. “How are you feeling?” she asked her friend, sitting down next to her on the couch.
“Fine,” Jennifer assured her. “I’m fine. I was just… overworked and had forgotten to eat anything. The funeral and then the injured and then Rodney… it was all a little too much.”
“I know,” Teyla said. “I heard about your fight with Rodney.”
Jennifer rolled her eyes. “Is he already ranting about it?”
“No,” the older woman assured her in a soft voice. “Actually, he seemed remorseful about your fight. He searched John out for advice.”
Sighing, Jennifer turned to look at her friend. “I’m afraid I made a mistake,” she whispered.
Sensing what the other woman was talking about, Teyla put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Did you know that Ronon told Rodney to go with you?”
Jennifer raised both her eyebrows in surprise.
Teyla smiled warmly. “Rodney refused, saying that you said you were fine. When Ronon went with you, Rodney was upset. But I think he also realized that it was wrong not to go with you.”
Jennifer took a deep breath. “I know he’s in love with me,” she said. “And I really like him. I think I even loved him, or at least I tried. But he’s so… self-centered and oblivious to people’s feelings most of the time…”
“Rodney is just Rodney,” Teyla replied, sighing a little. “He can’t change, no matter how hard he tries; and he really tried for you.”
“I know,” Jennifer assured her. “But… isn’t it unfair to try and change someone? I should be able to love the person he is.”
Teyla couldn’t suppress the small chuckle. “As nice as he can be when he really tries, it’s often hard enough to like the person he is. I think sometimes even for himself.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Jennifer whispered.
“You fell in love with Ronon,” Teyla stated. She didn’t even have to ask.
Jennifer just nodded, no words being needed.
“You were hurt, and very vulnerable. You needed someone – and Ronon was everything Rodney should have been at that moment,” Teyla said calmly. “Besides, you can’t deny that there was something between you and Ronon before you and Rodney became a couple.”
“Well, I… I’m not sure,” she mumbled, feeling her cheeks turn red. “You know, during the lockdown in the infirmary we… we were about to kiss when the lockdown was lifted.”
Teyla nodded. “But you thought it was just because of the… situation.”
“I don’t know,” Jennifer whispered. “I mean, he never really made a move or anything.”
“But Rodney did,” Teyla added.
Again, Jennifer simply nodded in agreement.
Teyla smiled warmly at her. “Ronon likes you very much,” she told Jennifer. “He just has his own ways of showing it; and exclaiming that he loves you while facing death isn’t one of them.”
“What he did for me,” Jennifer whispered. “He’d do for anyone else around here.”
“True,” the other woman affirmed. “Except for the fact that he really tries to behave when you’re around. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but he’s much softer and more open with you than he is with anyone else.”
“I don’t know,” Jennifer mumbled.
“But I do,” Teyla insisted. “Believe me; he cares greatly about you.”
“How can you be so sure,” she asked quietly.
Teyla smiled at her. “Because I know Ronon, and I can tell from his behavior when he is fond of someone, or has feelings of a romantic nature towards them.”
Jennifer looked at her warily.
“Plus he told me,” Teyla added.
Jennifer’s eyes widened. It couldn’t be true. Ronon had told her that he wasn’t interested. Why would he tell Teyla otherwise?
“He cares a great deal about you, Jennifer,” Teyla told her. “But he believes that you deserve better than him, and that you are not interested in him.”
“I don’t know,” Jennifer mumbled. She wasn’t sure if she could really believe Teyla’s words, or if she actually wanted to believe them. It would make things so much easier if Ronon shared her feelings; and so much more complicated.
She hadn’t missed that Ronon and Rodney weren’t exactly friends. In fact, there seemed to be some sort of rivalry between them. Jennifer couldn’t help but wonder if she really was the reason for that. Did Rodney know about Ronon’s feelings for her, too?
If he did, it would explain why he always seemed to be so jealous of the Satedan. It also meant that things were even more complicated. If Rodney knew that Ronon had feelings for her and that she wanted to act on her newly discovered feelings…
“Ronon informed me of the incident in the infirmary,” Teyla began, causing Jennifer’s eyes to widen. “I think he wanted my advice,” Teyla told her with a smile. “He wasn’t sure if he should ask you out.”
He had thought about asking her out? What had stopped him?
“But apparently Rodney told him that he was interested in you as well,” Teyla continued. “I suppose Ronon thought he was the better man for you.”
Jennifer looked at her in disbelief. “He thought Rodney was the better man?”
Teyla smiled at her. “Rodney and you have a lot more in common. Ronon thought he wasn’t intelligent enough for you.”
“And he… told you all that?” Jennifer whispered.
Teyla chuckled. “Well, most of it. The rest I deduced on my own.”
Taking a deep breath, Jennifer tried to process what she had just heard. Could it be true? Was Ronon really interested in her?
“So… what do I do now?” Jennifer whispered.
“I can’t answer that question for you,” Teyla replied, gently putting her hand on the other woman’s arm. “It is your decision.”
Jennifer sighed. “I honestly don’t know what to do. I mean, it’s… it’s not fair.”
“Maybe you should listen to your heart instead of your head,” the older woman advised softly.
Jennifer looked at her helplessly. She wasn’t sure she was able to do that.
“Did you want to kiss him?” Teyla asked all of a sudden.
Blinking at her, Jennifer nodded.
“Why?” Teyla pressed her.
“I… um… what?” she stumbled.
Smiling, Teyla repeated, “Why did you want to kiss him? Was it just the situation?”
Jennifer remembered the butterflies in her stomach when Ronon had moved closer to her. The warmth radiating from his body had been soothing and tempting, so she had leaned in to enjoy his presence, his closeness.
When he’d leaned in to kiss her, her heart had been pounding like mad. She couldn’t deny it. She had wanted to kiss him, because she liked him, and because she was very much attracted to him.
“If you answer that question, it might help you decide what to do,” Teyla told her.
Jennifer sighed once more. “But… Rodney…”
“Jennifer, you can’t suit both of them,” Teyla softly explained. “Eventually, you will have to make a decision. You have to think of yourself as well.”
Jennifer nodded sadly. She had to break either Rodney’s or Ronon’s heart. Damn, things had been so much easier when she’d thought Ronon wasn’t interested in her.
“Try to rest a little,” Teyla advised and got up. “Maybe you will see things clearer tomorrow.”
Jennifer gave her the best smile she could manage. She wasn’t so sure sleeping would really help her. She needed to figure out what to do. She needed to talk to Rodney and to Ronon.
But first, she needed to figure out what she wanted. Well, she already knew what she wanted. She wanted someone to share her life with; someone who listened when she needed to talk; someone who was there when she needed company and comfort.
She had thought Rodney could be that man. But obviously, he couldn’t. He hadn’t been there when she’d needed him the most. And instead of trying to understand, he had started a fight with her about Ronon; in the worst of all situations.
Teyla was right. Ronon had turned out to be everything Rodney should have been. And Jennifer had fallen for him. And it hadn’t just been the situation or her vulnerability after her father’s death.
She couldn’t deny it. She’d had feelings for the Satedan ever since they’d been locked up together in the infirmary. But she had told herself that it wasn’t possible, that Ronon wasn’t the kind of guy who fell for someone like her; that he wasn’t the kind of guy she should fall for.
Rodney, even if he didn’t always strike the right chord, was the kind of guy you would introduce to your family, wasn’t he? He had so much more in common with her. He could understand when she talked about work.
But what was it good for if he never really listened?
Sighing once more, Jennifer got up from her bed. It was pointless sitting around in her room mulling over what she should do next. She needed to talk to Ronon. She needed to find out if he really shared her feelings.
Maybe she should talk to Rodney first. Tell him that there wasn’t a future for them since he wasn’t able to be there for her when she needed him. She was certain he would try to talk her out of it. And she didn’t want to hurt him…
No, she should talk to Ronon first. If she was sure about his feelings, maybe then she could admit to herself that she really was in love with him.
She had broken up with Rodney, after all. There was no need to talk to him first. She’d already made her decision about that.
Nodding to herself, she took a deep breath and opened her door to head for Ronon’s room, but an unexpected visitor blocked her way.
Jennifer took a step backwards and blinked at the person in front of her.
Rodney gave her an insecure smile. “May I come in? I think we need to talk.”
Where were you - Part 5
Title: Where were you – part 5