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Are you gone or are you with me

Title: Are you gone or are you with me
Author: little_profiler
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing: Becker/Jess
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to ITV1. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time. The idea of the story as well as the story itself – including all possible pre- or sequels published afterwards – are mine.
Summary: Written for the just_kiss_her prompt “It started with a chocolate bar but turned into something more.” by mercscilla.
Warnings: not beta-read
Author notes: Okay, this might not exactly be what you had in mind, but I needed a prompt to write that story – and yours fit best. ;) Sequel to “What about all the things I just don’t know” Title once again taken from the song “Way Back Home”. Also, I'm sorry for not updating in such a long while. My life was a bitch, basically. Long story. ;)

Jess was in a particularly good mood that day. She was in the mood to go out and show her little son around.

After the last third of her pregnancy hadn’t exactly been easy, thankfully, when she’d gone into labour two weeks ago, none of the horrific stories about giving birth she’d heard before had become true.

It had been painful and exhausting, but it had been much easier than she’d pictured it to be. And it had only taken about an hour until Eric had been born.

She still couldn’t believe how lucky she was. Eric looked exactly like Becker, but he had her eyes as Becker always pointed out. He was a beautiful baby – but that was certainly what all mothers thought.

When she’d first met Becker, she’d fallen for him right away. But she had never thought she would once push their son in a buggy through the city. Even after the nine months of pregnancy, it still was amazing and in a way unbelievable.

She remembered how he’d brought her that chocolate bar one day and she had thought that maybe, just maybe this meant something. So much had happened in the meantime, but now she knew that it really had meant something.

Eric smiled in his sleep, causing a wide grin to spread across Jess’ face.

She pushed the buggy through the streets, past some shops for baby clothes and shoes, as well as some restaurants.

Turning around a corner, Jess stopped dead at the sight in front of her.

Becker was sitting in one of the cafes, talking to a beautiful young blonde. They laughed, and then they got up and kissed goodbye. Kissed.

Jess felt like someone had stabbed a knife right into her heart. This couldn’t be true. Becker wasn’t cheating on her. He wasn’t that kind of guy.

But the scene had been hard to misinterpret, even if they’d just kissed on the cheek.

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Jess hurried back home. Eric needed to be fed, anyway – and suddenly she wasn’t in the mood for a walk anymore.

Crying openly, she took Eric from his buggy to feed him. Then she held him against her chest, drawing comfort from the warmth radiating from his small body. This couldn’t be true.

On the other hand, it had been a very long time since they’d last had sex – and Becker surely had certain needs that Jess hadn’t been able to fulfil. So he’d looked for that somewhere else.

When Becker came home, he heard sniffling from the living room. Carefully approaching Jess’ figure on the couch, he saw her clutch Eric, holding him to her chest, and for a moment his heart stopped beating.

Something terrible must have happened – maybe something was wrong with Eric. Maybe…

Eric stirred in her arms, whimpering slightly.

Letting out the breath he’d been holding, Becker kneeled down in front of Jess, carefully reaching out to brush her hair out of her face. “Hey,” he whispered. “What’s wrong?”

Jess pulled away from his touch and started to cry harder.

Taking the baby from her, Becker put Eric back into his crib before sitting down next to Jess. “Honey, what happened?”

“Don’t honey me,” she shouted at him.

Becker blinked at her. Okay, so she was mad at him. Why?

“I saw you,” she finally blurted out.

She saw him. And? “I’m sorry, Jess, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Becker replied honestly.

“I saw you with her,” she specified.

It didn’t help Becker understand, though. “With whom?” he asked, absolutely lost as to why she was so upset.

“At lunch,” Jess shouted, before she went back to sobbing uncontrollably.

Lunch? Of course! Becker ran a hand over his face and swore silently.

“Jess,” he softly started. “I can imagine what that looked like to you, but believe me, you’re misinterpreting something terribly.”

“Yeah? How can I misinterpret you kissing that… girl?” she asked bitterly.

“Her name is Emma,” he told her. “And she’s my sister.”

Jess blinked at him for a second, and then sniffled. “Your… sister?”

“Yes,” Becker replied, taking both her hands in his. “I didn’t even know she was in town. She’s been in… Well, to be honest, I’m not exactly sure where she’s been for the last couple of months. She called me today and asked me to have lunch with her. I would have told you and invited you, but like I said, I didn’t even know she was back until she called me. You can’t imagine how excited she was to hear about you and Eric.”

“Your… sister,” Jess repeated, feeling terribly stupid.

“I would never cheat on you, Jess,” Becker replied. “And I invited my sister for dinner on Saturday – if you don’t mind, that is. She’d like to meet you.”

“Yeah, I… I’d like to meet her, too,” she stuttered. “I’m so sorry… I should have… trusted you…”

“It’s okay,” Becker assured her. “If I’d seen you with another man, I doubt he’d still be alive. I’m sorry I hurt you like that. Next time a member of my family decides to show up without notice, I promise I’ll call you.”

“No, I… should have just asked you right away,” Jess responded. “I just… I… I don’t know.”

Becker lifted her chin to make her look at him. “Tell me,” he softly commanded.

“I thought that… you were just tired of… waiting, you know,” she whispered, blushing.

Becker frowned at her. Then his eyes widened as realisation hit him. “Hey,” he said, making her look into his eyes again. “I wanted Eric as much as you did, and I knew beforehand what it might mean for our sex life. But I also know that it’s a temporary condition, and I’m very much looking forward to the time you feel ready for this again.”

As if to prove his words, Becker leaned in for a soft, yet passionate kiss. “There’s no one else but you, Jess, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

“I’m sorry I doubted you,” she whispered, leaning in to steal another kiss from him. Grinning against his lips, she moved closer and started to unbutton his shirt.

“Jess, I…” Becker tried to hold her back.

Pulling away a little, Jess looked at him. “I… want to… do something for you.”

He locked eyes with her before replying, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything for me.”

“I don’t,” she assured him, leaning in for another kiss. “I want this.”

He wanted to argue with her. If he couldn’t return the favour, it wasn’t the same. But when he saw her unbuckling his belt and slowly unzipping his jeans, he was so amazed by the sight of her – sexy and sultry – that talking her out of it was suddenly out of the question. As a matter of fact, talking at all was out of the question.

God, it had really been too long – and the fact that he wasn’t allowed to touch her in return yet wasn’t helping him keep at least a bit of self-control.

“Lie down,” Jess commanded in her best bedroom voice.

There was no way for him to disobey her orders if she was talking like that – and he was sure she knew that.

She smiled triumphantly when he writhed and whimpered under her touch. It felt good to finally touch him again – and somehow, it made her feel proud that she could still make him go crazy.

“God, you are… amazing,” Becker panted.

Grinning, Jess snuggled up against him on the couch. “Am I?” she asked innocently.

Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed the top of her head. “Woman, you’re unbelievable,” he told her. “And I can’t wait to return the favour.”

Jess giggled next to him. “Can you believe this all started with a chocolate bar?” she mumbled into his chest.

Becker frowned. “A chocolate bar?”

“Yeah,” Jess replied. “The chocolate bar you brought me after I asked Matt to do so. That was probably the cutest thing anyone ever did for me.”

“And that made you fall for me?” he asked in disbelief.

“No,” Jess answered with a sigh. “But for the first time I thought that maybe… you felt something for me, too.”

Smiling, Becker kissed the top of her head.

“Why did you buy me that chocolate bar?” she suddenly asked.

“Honestly?” Becker took a deep breath. “Because you asked for it. Because I wanted to rejoice you by bringing you chocolate. And because I feared that if Matt brought you chocolate, you might like him better than me.”

Jess giggled. “Really?”

Lifting her chin, Becker locked eyes with her and whispered, “There’s no way I’m ever going to let you go, you know that?”

“Well, good,” Jess replied, leaning up to peck his lips. “Because I have no intention of going anywhere.”

“I’m glad you say that,” Becker mumbled, pushing a strand of hair out of her face.

Jess could sense that this was going to be a serious talk – and her heart started beating faster.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while now, but I wasn’t sure how to address the matter or what you would say,” he started, obviously nervous. “I mean… I was thinking… I… Damn it, I’m horrible at this.”

“No, no, you’re doing great,” Jess tried to encourage him.

Chuckling, he let his finger caress her cheek. “It took me so long to realise what you mean to me – and when I did, it scared the hell out of me. I thought I couldn’t make you happy, that I couldn’t make this work, that I would eventually hurt you, and that you were better off with someone else.

“But then I realised that by thinking that way I hurt you much more. And I thought that maybe I was just afraid that I could actually make it work and that you could make me happy. I wasn’t used to being happy anymore and I… I don’t know, maybe I felt more comfortable not being happy.”

“And you were afraid you could lose me like you lost Sarah,” Jess added in a whisper.

Becker just nodded. He could see that after the abortion, she could understand his feelings, because she felt the same about Eric.

“But you and Eric make me happier than I’ve ever been in my life, and I never regretted anything more than not making my move on you earlier,” he finally continued. “And I… I’ve been thinking that… maybe… it would be a good idea to…”

Taking a deep breath, Becker reached into his pocket, revealing a small velvet box. “Jessica Parker,” he croaked rather than said. “Will you… marry me?”

Jess stared at him in shock for a second, before new tears filled her eyes. “Yes,” she exclaimed, leaning forward to kiss him passionately. “Definitely yes!”

Smiling, Becker took the ring from the box to put it on her finger.

Examining the ring, Jess wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at him. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Becker replied, grinning at her. “And I’m relieved you said yes, because it means I don’t have to cancel the invitation for the rest of the team to come to our engagement party.”

Jess looked at him in disbelief. “How long have you been planning this already?”

“Ask you to marry me?” He shrugged. “Well, since the day you told me you were pregnant with Eric. I bought the ring when you were about three months pregnant, but somehow, I never really found the right moment – or maybe I just didn’t dare.”

Jess frowned at him. “Did you really think I might say no?”

“Actually, yes,” he admitted reluctantly. “I mean, I knew you loved me, but… marrying is a big step and I… wasn’t entirely sure you were ready for this.”

“Wow,” she mumbled. “And I really thought me being completely at your feet was pretty obvious.”

Becker chuckled. “Okay, I admit it, I’m a coward.”

Jess giggled once more. “Who would have thought of that?!” Looking back up at him, she whispered, “What changed?”

“My sister,” he told her honestly. “She asked me why we weren’t married, and I really couldn’t give her an answer. That made me realise that there’s just no reason not to ask you – except for my fear you might say no.”

“Well, I’m glad she made you change your mind,” Jess whispered, leaning in for another kiss. “So, when is the big party?”

Becker bit his lip, and then replied, “Tonight.”

She almost jumped up from the couch. “What?”

“Relax, that was a joke,” Becker told her with a chuckle. “I couldn’t be sure you’d say yes.”

“Actually, I like the idea of announcing it today,” she said.

Looking at the timer on the DVD player, Becker shrugged. “We can still invite them for dinner if you like.”

Looking around their living room, Jess giggled. “Well, we should at least rearrange our clothes and clean up the mess before we do so,” she told him with a smirk. “Or do you want to explain that to Connor?”

“Maybe we should have the party tomorrow,” Becker suggested, wrapping his arms tighter around her. “Or any other day.”

“I’m going to feed and bath Eric, and then I’ll take a shower and – I’m sorry to say that – you should take one as well,” Jess replied. “While I take care of Eric you can call the rest of the team. Deal?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll get up,” Becker mumbled with a sigh. Even if he’d much rather spent the rest of the day cuddling with Jess, he had to admit that he was also looking forward to telling the rest of the team about their engagement.

He smiled when he watched Jess nursing Eric. Who would have thought that a simple chocolate bar could lead to something so wonderful?! Buying it had definitely been the best idea of his life.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 25th, 2011 05:22 pm (UTC)
Oh my, that was just perfect. :) It really mde my crappy day brighter. ♥

I love the image of mini!Becker in Jess' arms but when Becker asks her to marry him? That ahd me grinning and squeeing like noth else. Brilliant!!!

Thank you so much. :D
Nov. 25th, 2011 05:48 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you sooo very much! Your comment made me grin like mad. :D

I'm so glad you liked the story. And yeah, I was thrilled about baby Becker, too, so I just had to write a story with him. Wouldn't it be too cute?

Plus, it just felt like he should ask her to marry him. It was about time, after all. LOL
Nov. 27th, 2011 04:55 am (UTC)
He asked her to marry him! Whee! I loved it.
Dec. 11th, 2011 01:23 pm (UTC)
Hehe, thank you! Yeah, I wanted some fluffy happy ending for this one. ;)
Dec. 12th, 2011 07:27 pm (UTC)
awwwww, that was lovely.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )