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Instincts

Title: Instincts

Pairing: Becker/Jess

Rating: M (just in case)

Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to ITV1. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time. The idea of the story as well as the story itself – including all possible pre- or sequels published afterwards – are mine.

Summary: A little missing scene from season 5 episode 4.
Warnings: Well, obviously, spoilers for the episode mentioned above. :)


AN: Hi everyone! I’m completely new to this fandom, and it’s the first time ever I write for Primeval. So if the persons – Becker and Jess in this case – are off character, I hope you can forgive me.

Moreover, this piece isn’t beta-read. And since I’m far from being a native speaker, there certainly will be mistakes (especially concerning grammar and punctuation) in it. So, I hope you can forgive them, too.

If you dare to read this nonetheless, I hope you’ll enjoy it. :)

She spun around in her chair another time – and cruelly was reminded that spinning wasn’t such a good idea given her current condition. A condition that was the primary reason why she was still here, at the ARC, and not in her bed sleeping peacefully.

The dizziness she felt at the moment was just some side effect of the allergic shock that had almost killed her. But it was enough to keep her glued to her chair in front of her computers. Standing on her own two legs was hard, walking even harder. Driving her car home? Simply impossible.

Thus, she was sitting here, cursing the allergy for keeping her from heading home, away from the ARC and the memories of the previous night, and towards her comfortable bed.

Not that sleep would have been anywhere near possible. Not after everything that had happened.

It wasn’t the fact that she’d been bitten by some nasty bug from the future. Nor was it the fact that she’d almost died of an allergic reaction to the bite – which would have normally been more than enough for her not to find any sleep afterwards.

It was the fact that – even though she’d been feverish, drifting in and out of consciousness for a long while – she could still remember. She remembered a certain army captain carrying her through the corridors while the allergen was spreading through her body, weakening her every minute that passed.

She also remembered him holding her in the car, keeping her warm with his jacket that so purely smelled like him. She remembered her head resting partly on his lap, partly on his lower arm while he held her. And she remembered him kissing her head. Kissing…

And then he had been the first thing she had seen when she had woken up. After he had given her the adrenalin. And he had held her hand and smiled at her, relieved, almost happy to see her open her eyes. And then he’d run away.

Jess sighed and turned back to her computers. Maybe there was some check-up she could run, or something else to do, even if it was just playing some online game, just to keep herself busy while she was pretty much stuck here.

She hit a few keys, ran a system check here, and a search for anomalies or creature occurs there. But she came up empty, and somehow bored.

She should have just asked Abby and Connor, or Matt, to take her home. Of course, she’d much rather liked to ask someone else, but she hadn’t seen him since he had run off to do some “security stuff”.

Sighing again, she started a game of chess. At least, this was a way to keep her mind busy.

Why had he taken off so fast, anyway? Did he really like her so little? Was there no hope at all that he was at least sharing some of her profound feelings?

Face it, Jess, he doesn’t fall for computer geeks! a little voice in her head told her.

Why then had he taken such a good care of her? Even risked his own life to get her the adrenalin to save her life?

He would have done that for anyone.

True. But didn’t it also mean that he actually cared about her?

Just not the way you want him to.

God, how she hated this little voice! And there certainly was no way it was ever going to shut up. Not until her own personal superhero confessed his deep and everlasting love for her.

She couldn’t help but chuckle. Yeah, there was a fat chance of that. He didn’t seem like the romantic kind of guy. In fact, he didn’t even seem to love her. But he at least cared about her. That was something. More than she’d ever dared dreaming of, actually.

“Hey, what are you still doing here?” a voice behind her said, interrupting her thoughts.

She jumped at the words, thankfully managing not to scream out loud at the sound of his voice. What was he still doing here?

Taking a deep breath, Jess turned around to look at him. God, was he gorgeous and adorably cute. It should really be forbidden for a man so handsome to walk around just like that.

“You know, I could ask you the same question,” she replied, trying to make her voice sound nonchalant, hiding her racing heart and the shivering that ran through her body whenever he was close to her.

He stepped closer, worry clearly written all over his lovely face. “You should be home.”

“Yeah, well, I was just… you know… doing some computer stuff,” she lied. “Really important, you know. The ‘can’t wait till tomorrow’ kinda stuff.”

Frowning, he crossed his arms in front of his muscular chest. “Okay, and now tell me why you’re really still here.”

Sighing, she let her head sink. It was impossible to keep anything from him. He was like a walking lie detector, at least when it came to her. Oh, well, maybe it was due to the fact that she’d never been good at lying.

“You know, I… This allergic reaction was pretty bad, and…” she started, but wasn’t quite sure how to finish the sentence. But since she was sure he wouldn’t leave her alone until she talked, she decided to go with the truth.

“I’m still feeling kinda dizzy,” she admitted. “And I simply didn’t dare driving home in my car. I can barely walk so… I figured it was safer for everyone if I just… stayed here until it gets better.”

“But it will get better, right?” he asked, sounding concerned again.

He really did care about her.

“I mean, you don’t need medical treatment or anything?” he added.

“No, no,” she assured him. “It’s just… some dizziness. Probably due to the stress of the allergic shock. This was all… pretty bad, but… I’ll be fine. You should go home, get some rest.”

“I wasn’t the one with the nasty bug bite,” he mumbled.

“As I said, I’ll be fine,” she responded. “It just needs a little more time, that’s all.”

“And you need to rest,” he said sternly, stepping in front of her, reaching for her hands to pull her to her feet. “Let me take you home.”

“Becker, that’s sweet, but I…”

“Don’t argue,” he interrupted her. “That’s an order.”

She couldn’t help but grin at that. “Are you being mean again?”

“Yes,” he told her with a stern frown.

She knew there was no way of talking him out of it, so she decided to give in. She could really use some rest, after all.

So she stood up, swayed, and stumbled – directly into two strong arms.

“Hey, hey, easy,” Becker whispered. Although he’d never have admitted it, his heart started to race when she stumbled right into his arms. Partly because of the worry that this wasn’t over, that this wasn’t just some side effect of the allergic reaction – but mostly because she was so close to him again.

He’d come damn close to losing her today. Too close. He would personally make Philip pay for putting all of them at such a risk once he got a hold of this guy.

For a moment, he just held her close to his chest, ensuring himself that she was okay, or was at least getting there. Despite everything that had happened today, she still had this sweet, intoxicating scent that was purely her. A scent he would recognize amongst thousand other scents. A scent he’d gotten so used to, he couldn’t imagine a day without smelling it.

Her knees were trembling so badly that she almost wasn’t able to stand upright. But it was probably more the fact of the man of her dreams holding her in his arms, close against his smoking hot body – for the second time today.

“I’m fine,” Jess finally managed to say, gently pushing Becker away a little.

He refused to let go of her. Partly because he didn’t want her to stumble again, but mostly because he didn’t want to lose contact. Normally, he managed to keep those instinctive feelings that wanted to take over whenever she was close to him under control, that need to touch her.

But after what had almost happened tonight, everything was different. He simply needed to reassure himself that she was fine. So his hand refused to let go of her.

The ride to her apartment was relatively silent. None of them really knew what to say, their minds still revolving around the most recent events – a topic they didn’t want to bring up. And even though they didn’t know it themselves, either of them was afraid to say something that made them look like a fool – or in Jess’s case more like a nerd.

Her heart skipped a few beats when he insisted on taking her upstairs to her apartment. Connor and Abby had moved to their own place about a month ago, leaving her alone in the apartment with nothing but a couple of plants.

She wondered if she could dare inviting him in. Would he even accept? Or would he just run off again?

She shivered when his arms came around her for support again, hoping he didn’t notice.

“Are you cold?” Becker asked, his voice unusually soft.

Damn!

He immediately took out his jacket to put it over her shoulders. Was it the fever coming back?

“No, I… just a little,” Jess stuttered, giving him a smile as he put his jacket back around her.

She wrapped herself up in the piece of clothing, more to feel closer to him than because she actually felt cold. His scent surrounded her, making her even dizzier than she already was. God, he smelled even better than he looked – if that was even possible.

“Thanks for… you know, saving my life and all that,” Jess mumbled as they arrived at her door. Great, totally eloquent! Her knees were trembling again, and her brain was too busy trying to keep her from fainting to think straight.

“Anytime,” he replied quietly. Anytime? Are you serious? “I mean… not that I want you to be in a situation like this ever again…”

“I know,” Jess assured him. “I… I didn’t understand it that way. Thanks for… taking such a good care of me. As I said, I’m… really glad you were there.”

She remembered? Everything? Becker swallowed. “Yeah, well, I would never have left you alone,” he replied, ready to bite himself the next second. Why didn’t he just fall on his knees and admitted all his feelings to her – and let her laugh at him. Someone as beautiful and smart as her would never waste her time on someone like him.

“I mean, you could have mutated into some giant superbug,” he quickly added.

She giggled, even though she wasn’t really feeling like it. Whenever she felt they were getting closer, he pushed her away. By just running away or with comments like that. He really didn’t seem to like her one bit.

“You sure you’re going to be okay?” he asked. “I mean, I could call Abby or Emily…” She certainly would feel much more comfortable with one of the girls around than with him.

Of course, call someone else and get away from her, as soon as possible.

“No, I’m fine, thanks,” she assured him, for what felt like the thousandth time.

“Okay,” he smiled, this irresistibly cute smile. “Good night.”

“Good night.” And then it happened. Following her instincts instead of her brain, she leaned forward and pressed a light kiss right next to his mouth. She was sure she’d been aiming for his cheek, but… she almost touched his lips with hers, causing her whole body to hum with pure pleasure. His skin was soft, and he smelled so good…

His heart skipped a beat when her lips met his skin. She was only millimeters away from his lips, kissing him. In a friendly way, of course. This was by no means meant any other way.  Apparently, she was thankful that he had saved her life. She’d said so herself. That was why she was kissing him – almost fully on his lips.

Or had he been wrong altogether?

When she pulled back, she was sure she was going to faint – or turn bright red – or both. But she managed to keep the reactions of her body to the unexpected yet self-caused contact at bay. “Thank you… once more,” she whispered.

Becker for his part didn’t have that much control of his reactions. Instinctively, he reached out to cup her cheek with his hand, and then leaned forward to press his lips against hers.

This wasn’t happening. This was a dream. It had to be. Captain Becker was not just standing on her doorstep kissing her.

Thinking had become impossible. She had almost kissed him. But he was far from satisfied with almost. He wanted more, he wanted her – and for the first time for many years he allowed his instincts to take over control.

His hands sneaked around her, pulling her close against him again, while his tongue demanded entrance to explore her mouth. He wouldn’t have been able to stop anymore even if he had wanted to.

Oh, God, this was real. This was really happening. And this so wasn’t meant to be a friendly kiss, apparently.

She willingly opened her mouth and allowed herself to melt into his touch. Hell, he was some great kisser! This was even better than any of her dreams had ever been.

He couldn’t stop, couldn’t step back anymore. He wanted, needed to feel her, to assure himself that she was alive. Before he was able to stop it, his hand was brushing up her dress. Damn, he’d wanted to take things slow if he ever dared making a move on her. He didn’t want her to think that was all he wanted, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted her too badly. Going slow was out of the question now.

She felt his hand on her thigh, just centimeters above the spot where he had injected the adrenalin, making her shiver – and suddenly she realized that they were still standing outside her door, for all her neighbors to be seen.

What was gonna happen now? If she broke the kiss, he would surely apologize and run. And if she didn’t and just pulled him inside? She wasn’t sure which scenario scared her more at the moment. But she was sure they shouldn’t continue whatever was about to happen in public.

So she carefully stepped backwards into her apartment, relieved and apprehensive at the same time when he followed her, pushing the door closed behind him. This was really happening. They would end up in bed tonight.

Not able to wait any longer, he lifted her up, their lips hardly ever parting.

“Bedroom?” he whispered between kisses.

“First door on the left,” she managed to reply.

He gently laid her down on the bed, immediately starting to unbutton her dress. God, she was so beautiful. Her skin was soft, and she shivered in response to his touch. She wanted this, wanted him. This thought drew a low growl from somewhere deep in his throat.

Her body started to tremble in response to that sound. He really wanted her. This was really going to happen. He wouldn’t back off, not now, not tonight.

Carefully, he started to explore her body, covering her delicious skin with soft kisses, nibbling here and there just to taste her. She tasted even better than she smelled. He knew, he shouldn’t do this – for several reasons. But all rational thought had been locked up somewhere in the back of his head the moment her lips had met his skin, allowing his rather primal instincts to take over control.

“Becker… please,” she gasped. She wanted him, needed him, so badly it almost hurt.

Smiling, he undid a few more buttons, exposing deliciously soft skin. He immediately took advantage of the fact that she was pretty much topless now, avoiding her most sensitive spots just to make her beg him to touch her.

She was writhing under his touch, almost going crazy even though he wasn’t really touching her. Not where she wanted to be touched, anyway.

Besides, it seemed unfair that he was still so overdressed. Reaching out, she grabbed his shirt and ripped it open, small black buttons spreading over the floor of her bedroom. She was surprised by her sudden courage.

Becker raised his head to give her a questioning, almost shocked look. He hadn’t expected her to be so… greedy.

“Whoops,” she whispered with a mischievous grin. She took the chance to take a look at him, and drew in a shaky breath. Boy, she had almost forgotten that he was hiding this under so much clothing. Smiling, she remembered the butterflies the sight of him shirtless had made arise in her body the last time.

Apparently, Jess liked what she saw. Smirking, Becker got rid of the remains of his shirt, before he leaned down again for another breathtaking kiss.

Following a sudden impulse, she reached out to let her hands explore his chest and back. If she finally had the opportunity to touch him, really touch him, there was no way she would miss it. Slowly, carefully, she let her fingernails run over his bare back.

He growled, the soft scratching sending thrills through his body he couldn’t remember ever having felt before. “God, don’t do that again,” he panted.

“That?” she asked innocently, repeating the movement.

“God, Jess,” he mumbled through gritted teeth. Her touch almost drove him crazing, making him want to rip off her clothes and take her right away.

He obviously was aroused by her touch, and he obviously wanted this. Jess’s heart started to beat faster. She still couldn’t believe this was really happening. That he really wanted it to happen.

He was sweeter and more gentle than she had ever imagined him to be. He was perfect. She had dreamed about this to happen so often that she’d actually been afraid to be disappointed when it really did. But reality exceeded all her dreams by far.

It had been a while since he had last made love to a woman. Not had sex, but really made love. But judging from the sounds he could draw from her lips, he hadn’t forgotten anything.

He was skilled – which certainly meant that he was really experienced. The thought of that immediately brought her back to earth. Would he notice? What if she didn’t know what to do? She would look like a fool.

“Are you okay?” he gasped rather than asked.

He must have noticed her apprehension. Damn, was it really impossible to keep something from him?

“Yeah,” she assured him, “just… excited.”

“You know, we don’t have to do this,” he replied softly. “I mean, it doesn’t have to happen now. If I’m going too fast…”

“No,” she quickly interrupted him. She wasn’t really sure she was ready for this – or for whatever would happen after tonight. But she was sure she wanted him, and she didn’t want him to stop.

He leaned down to give her a soft, lingering kiss, before locking eyes with her. “Whenever you say stop, I’ll stop.”

She nodded, relieved, and if it had been possible, she was sure she had just fallen more for him. He was so sweet, such a gentleman. And he knew exactly where to touch her, and how. It didn’t take him long to make all her insecurities vanish and make her forget about anything but him.

Carefully, he undressed her. Waiting for her consent for every piece of clothing he removed, cherishing every bit of skin he revealed. He felt her relax under his touch, even silently begging him for more.

“You’re so beautiful,” he mumbled between kisses. “So sweet.”

She felt so good that it was almost impossible for him not to completely lose control. Her touch was so soft and warm and welcoming. It was strange, but for the first time since he could remember he really felt at home somewhere.

No, not somewhere. With someone. With Jess. He knew that after tonight he never wanted to be with anyone else again.

The whole night was so perfect that she was sure she would never want to be with anyone else ever again. No one could ever make her feel this way again, no one but him.

She couldn’t remember when something had ever felt so good, or had ever tasted so sweet, or had ever made her skin prickle that much… This was pure heaven. At least it was for her. For the first time in her life she felt loved, wanted, and completely safe. It felt so good that she couldn’t stop the tears from running down her cheeks.

He had made every effort to go slow, to be gentle. But when he kissed her cheek, he could feel the liquid covering it, taste the salt it contained.

“Am I hurting you,” he whispered, appalled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“No, I’m fine,” she assured him. “Blissful, even. Please, Becker, don’t… don’t stop.”

He frowned at her in concern, but when she begged him to go on again, he did, carefully and slowly, leaning down to kiss her tears away.

Her whole body was prickling, as if tiny ants were running through her veins, when he finally caught her in his strong arms. It was official, she was in heaven. There was no possible way life could get any better. Except if he would finally say these three little words.

Yeah, sure. That’s not gonna happen.

But at the moment, she didn’t feel like something was missing. If such passionate, gentle, perfect lovemaking was all she could get, she honestly had no intention to complain. Smiling, she allowed herself to drift off into a deep and peaceful sleep.

When he felt her relax against his body, he realized that she had fallen asleep in his arms. “Sleep well, beautiful,” he mumbled, gently kissing the top of her head. Smiling himself, he wrapped his arms closer around her and closed his eyes.

When Jess woke up the next day, she felt more rested than ever before. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept that well and that deep. Smiling contentedly, she turned around, blindly reaching next to her – and froze in the middle of the movement. The bed was empty.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
deinonychus_1
Jun. 28th, 2011 10:06 pm (UTC)
oooh, that was gorgeous! No need to apologise for it being your first attempt at the pairing, it was great. So sweet and lovely... until that last line!

Oh, Becker! Much as I want them to have a happily ever after ending, I can definitely see him running away like that rather than let himself get too close.
little_profiler
Jun. 29th, 2011 08:08 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I'm glad you liked my first attempt. :)

Yeah, I know, the last line was mean. I'm still trying to figure out why he was gone myself. Maybe he was afraid, or maybe just busy... We'll see what my muse comes up with.
ruby_caspar
Jun. 28th, 2011 10:06 pm (UTC)
I was going to use my Becker/Jess icon, but I don't get nearly enough opportunity to use my Sheyla one, and I just saw the banner at the top of your journal! :P

Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this. I thought you got both their characters down really well, and really enjoyed the thought processes of both. The bedroom scene was really hot and everything before it was really sweet - and the end! Oh dear. Poor Jess... silly Becker. I'd love to see a sequel to this if you feel like writing one ;)

Btw, I'd probably rate this M rather than T, just to be on the safe side.

Looking forward to reading more Becker/Jess fic from you!
little_profiler
Jun. 29th, 2011 08:11 pm (UTC)
First of all, YAY for Sheyla! Lovely icon!

I'm glad you enjoyed the little fic. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I didn't think the bedroom scene was that hot, but I changed the rating nonetheless. I always get confused with the ratings, so I appreciate the hint. I mean, I know what they stand for, but I still don't know what exactly 'mature' is supposed to mean. LOL

Anyway, I'm really glad you liked the story. And there certainly will be more. I have to fix this, right? ;) Thanks for the encouragement.
maddie_amber
Jun. 29th, 2011 01:22 am (UTC)
So the bed is empty because Becker is up making her a lovely breakfast in bed. Right? We can be hopeful.

Very nice story. I think you did a very good job capturing Jess's character, and Becker's as well.
little_profiler
Jun. 29th, 2011 08:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! Well, he's not making her breakfast, sorry. But still glad you liked it. There will be a sequel - sometime in the future. But I have to watch the season finale first to see if I can go down that path or have to come up with something else. :)
seren_ccd
Jun. 29th, 2011 08:50 am (UTC)
Oh, lovely! And I agree with the comment above, he had better be making her breakfast! :D Absolutely sweet!
little_profiler
Jun. 29th, 2011 08:06 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm really glad you liked the story. And I adore your icon. Totally sweet.
impish_dragon
Jul. 10th, 2011 01:11 am (UTC)
God job on this.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )