Title: Nightmares and other after effects – part 3
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia romance
Rating: R this time – just to be really sure
Disclaimer: All BAU characters belong to CBS, the rest came out of my own freaky mind
Summary: Sequel to Twelve hours: After his unexpected confession Penelope goes to see Derek and talk to him.
warnings: well, there’s nothing explicit in it but some quite clear allusions
Please read and review!
“Because I love you!” the words had escaped his mouth before he was able to stop them.
Penelope’s jaw dropped. Was she hard of hearing or had Derek Morgan, the Derek Morgan, just said he loved her?
For a few seconds they were staring at each other both equally in shock about what he’d just said. Then Derek turned away from her and stumbled: “I… I’m sorry, I… should go now.”
Before Penelope could stop him Derek had left her office shutting the door behind him. When her lungs suddenly screamed for air she realized that she had stopped breathing. She drew in a deep breath and stood up, her legs shaking. She paced her office for quite a while unable to settle her thoughts. Why had he said that? Derek wasn’t somebody who fell in love with a woman – especially not with a woman like her. He wanted adventures, no strings attached. So why on earth had he told her he loved her? Maybe he did. And if he did… then what? What would happen now? What if they tried to have a relationship and it turned out to have been a bad idea? That would definitely ruin their friendship. Nothing between them would ever be the same again. Penelope had been in love with him for such a long time but never had she considered that he would feel the same for her.
Finally she sighed and left her office to look for him. But she was unable to find him anywhere in the building. The receptionist told her that he’d left about an hour ago. Had she really been pacing her office that long?
Penelope returned to her inner sanctum and shut her babies down. Sitting in her car she waited for about half an hour dithery of what to do now. Should she go to see him? Did he even want to see her, want to talk to her? Maybe he didn’t mean to say it, maybe he didn’t even mean it. Eventually Penelope decided that she’d never find out if she kept sitting here for the rest of the night.
He opened the door and let her in without saying something. They sat down on the couch and were silent for a couple of minutes both staring at their hands, none of them knowing what to say. After a while Penelope broke the silence and asked in a low voice: “Do you… regret that you said it?”
“It depends.” he shrugged.
“On what?” her voice was higher than normal and slightly shaking.
Derek raised his head and looked at her, studying her dark brown eyes. “On your reaction.” he replied. His heart sank when she sighed and looked down. She obviously wasn’t sharing his feelings and he had most likely wrecked their friendship by telling her what he felt.
“Derek, you… you don’t have relationships.” she whispered.
Derek raised both his eyebrows and gave her a puzzled look: “Come again?”
She looked back into his eyes and said: “You only have one-night-stands, not relationships. So… what do you… want from me?”
“You… you think I just want to have sex with you?” he almost shouted these words. But he couldn’t blame her for that, it was his own fault.
Penelope smiled and a single tear ran down her cheek. “You’re going to break my heart, right?” she whispered.
“No” Derek took her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes. “I’d rather die than hurt you, baby girl. I… I know I hardly ever had anything with any woman that lasted long enough to be called a relationship but… I didn’t love these women. I mean, I was sure I couldn’t love anyone. I didn’t even want to fall in love with anyone. I didn’t want anyone getting that close to me. But somehow… I have no idea how you did that but… you managed to get behind the walls I had built around me. No one ever made that.”
She didn’t answer, not sure what to make out of his words.
“I love you.” he assured in a low voice. “Why is it that hard for you to believe that?” He hoped his disappointment wasn’t too obvious.
“Please, don’t do that to
“What are you talking about?” he asked even more puzzled.
“You needed me and I was glad to be there for you.” she replied. “But I… I can’t spend a few nights with you and then pretend nothing ever happened. You simply mean too much to me. For almost two years now I’ve been trying to persuade myself that it’s daffy, that you’ll never feel the same for me.”
He gently stroked her cheek and forced her to look at him again. He couldn’t quite believe what she’d just said. Did she actually tell him she was in love with him? “What if I do feel the same?” he whispered.
“Please, don’t fool me!” she sobbed. “Don’t play with me!”
“I would never ever do that.” he reassured her.
She remained silent for a while and then asked hesitantly: “Why, Derek… why… do you want me?”
“Because you are the best that ever happened to me. Because you are the most phenomenal woman I’ve ever met. Because you are smart and beautiful and…”
She snorted: “Beautiful.”
“Yes, you are!” he insisted.
Penelope shook her head and asked mockingly: “Did you look at me lately?”
“I did.” Derek nodded. “I look at you every single day even if you don’t notice – and to me you are beautiful.”
“I’ve seen the women you usually have the hots for.” she replied. “And they’re nothing like me!”
“That’s right.” he agreed. “They are not half as smart as you are, not half as funny as you are and most of all none of them has such a good heart as you have.”
She blushed and tears ran down her cheeks. Why couldn’t she just believe in his words, trust him? Well, because he was the most handsome man on this planet and she was a geek.
“I know it’s my fault you can’t trust me.” Derek declared. “And I’m sorry for that. All these women… and by the way I haven’t had sex with all of them. But if I did it was just because I… somehow needed their nearness and the affirmation that I’m attractive to them. Pretty pathetic, I know.”
“No, it’s just comprehensible.” she whispered and reached out to stroke his cheek.
Derek smiled, put his hand over hers and leaned into the soft touch: “See, that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You are the only person in the universe who would say something like that to such a confession. I don’t know how you do this but… All these women weren’t able to warm me no matter what they did. But a single touch of you, like that one, makes me feel warm and safe. I need you here with me, baby girl.”
“And I would like to stay.” she whispered.
Slowly Derek leaned over to her and Penelope’s heart beat that fast that she feared it might jump out of her chest the next second. She cringed and gasped: “Please, don’t.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked and gave her a baffled look. “I… I thought you wanted this.”
“I do.” she assured him. “It’s just… I… I think my heart will stop beating any moment.”
He smiled and leaned over once again. “It won’t” he whispered. “trust me!”
“Oh, God!” she panted and let out a satisfied sigh the moment his lips met with hers. This kiss was so soft that at the first moment she wasn’t really sure this was real. But then he leaned down closer to her, she parted her lips and allowed the kiss to become more passionate. How long had she been dreaming of this moment – and it was even better than she’d ever imagined.
Derek broke the kiss and smiled: “See, nothing happened.”
Penelope smirked: “You think that would be the same with the next kiss?”
Grinning he replied: “Maybe we should give it a try.”
Derek gently kissed her forehead, her nose and then her mouth. He paused appalled and looked down to her. Tears were running over her cheeks. Did he hurt her? He’d tried to be as gentle as possible but… Should he really have hurt her? He’d rather die. “Penelope, what’s wrong?” he asked in concern.
“Nothing” she assured. “I’m fine.”
“Then why are you crying?” he wanted to know. “Do I… hurt you?”
“No.” she whispered. “I’m fine, really. It’s just… I’ve never been so happy before. That’s all.”
He sighed with relief and kissed her cheek. “I love you, Penelope.” he whispered.
She opened her eyes and looked at him. More tears ran down her cheeks when she saw the truth of his words in his eyes. “I love you, Derek.”
He locked eyes with her and smiled. He was unable to avert his gaze from her beautiful dark eyes and the love he could see in them.
He caught her in his arms and gently stroked her back. After a long while their breathing finally calmed down and Derek whispered: “I love you.”
She raised her head and looked into his smiling face. Never had she imagined he would say these words to her – and now it seemed he couldn’t stop saying them just like herself. She felt like a teenager in love for the first time. “I love you.” she giggled.
“What’s so funny?” he wanted to know.
“Nothing.” she replied. “It’s just… well… this is somehow like a kitschy love story.”
“Kitschy, huh?” he asked with mocked outrage. “Does that mean you want more action?”
She shrieked when he suddenly threw her around so that he was on top of her. “You are really oversexed, right?”He smirked: “You have no idea!”