Title: Nightmares and other after effects – part 1
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia romance
Rating: PG-13 – just to be sure
Disclaimer: All BAU characters belong to CBS, the rest came out of my own freaky mind
Summary: Sequel to Twelve hours: After the events in Chicago Derek seems to have more problems to cope with it than Penelope has.
warnings: nope, not really
Please read and review!
“Good morning, sweetness!” Derek smiled and handed Penelope one of her favorite frappuccinos. “How about a short break?”
“Derek?” she frowned, turned her head and studied him. “Aren’t you supposed to be on the plane to
“Not this time, baby girl.” he smiled. “Hotch commanded me to stay here, go through some older files. He’ll call me if he needs my help.”
Penelope turned her chair to face him. “Is something wrong?” she wanted to know.
Penelope took the paper cup from him and looked at his grinning face. “Gorgeous, don’t lie to me!” she said. “If there was nothing wrong, Hotch wouldn’t have left you here behind. Did something happen on the last case? I mean, something you haven’t told me yet?”
“No, it was a normal case.” he replied. “Just like any other.”
“Then what is it?” Penelope studied him again, longer this time. “You look exhausted.” she finally noted. “Are you ill?”
“I’m fine.” Derek reassured her and leant against her desk. “I’m just… a little tired, that’s all.”
“Tired?” she rose both her eyebrows. “Your last case has been about one week ago and as you said it wasn’t even a hard one. So what’s wrong with you?”
Derek sighed and looked at the cup in his hand for a few moments. Then he shrugged and without looking at her explained: “I… just didn’t sleep very well recently.”
Penelope rolled over to him in her chair so that she was right in front of him and he had to look at her. “Why?” she simply asked.
Derek looked into her eyes and tried to give her a smile. “Seems insomnia is contagious.”
“This is not funny, Derek.” she insisted. “You look like you haven’t slept for at least one week. You’re worn out, otherwise Hotch wouldn’t have left you here behind. Tell me what’s wrong!”
“Can’t we just have a little break?” he asked. “I wanted to invite you to lunch.”
“Why don’t you talk to me?” she whispered.
“Come on, baby girl, I’m fine.” Derek assured. “I’m maybe just a little overworked. This pause from flying around will probably be enough to get me back to my normal self.”
“Did you tell Hotch?” Penelope wanted to know.
Derek just looked down and sighed.
“I understand if you don’t want to talk to
“You don’t need to be.” he smiled. “And now let us break for lunch!”
She sighed and nodded unwillingly.
Penelope was woken up from a not exactly peaceful dream when her phone rang. Frowning she looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table: 3.46 a.m. The team probably needed her help on the case sooner than she’d expected.
“This better be really important!” she said into the phone.
He was angry with himself when he heard her voice. He had dialed the number before he’d been really awoken from that nightmare.
The slight smile on Penelope’s face disappeared when the caller didn’t say anything. “Hello?” she asked in concern. She could have sworn she heard a familiar sigh on the other end: “Derek, is it you?”
“Yeah” he finally replied. “sorry, baby girl, I didn’t want to wake you up…”
All her warning bells were ringing and she rose to a sitting position. “What’s wrong?” she asked in obvious concern.
“Nothing, I… I just had to call you to make sure that you… um… I… I had a nightmare.” she could practically hear him running his hand over his face.
“Is that what has kept you up during the past nights?” she softly asked. She was sure she already knew the answer.
“Um… yeah… somehow.” he replied in a low voice. “Sugar, I’m really sorry… I shouldn’t have called you that late at night. Just forget about it.”
“I can’t.” she declared. The tone in his voice frightened her even more than the fact that he’d called her in the middle of the night. “I’ll come over.”
“N… No… I mean… you don’t need to… I’m… I’m fine.” he stumbled in shock about her words.
“Don’t argue with me, gorgeous.” she softly said. “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” Penelope hung up, rushed out of her bed and got dressed as quickly as possible. Only ten minutes later she was heading to his apartment. Her heart pounded faster the closer she got there. Maybe this really wasn’t the best idea and maybe he really was fine… No, he wasn’t. She could have told from the sound of his voice. And besides he’d done the same for her.
Derek smiled when he opened the door. “Hey, mama” he gently said. “you really didn’t need to come here and check on me. It was… just a nightmare.”
“Must have been a really horrifying one.” she mumbled and studied his face. He looked even more exhausted than he’d done around noon. “Tell me about it!” she requested.
Derek let her in and they both sat down on the couch. “I… I can’t…” he simply replied and looked down at his hands.
Penelope rose her eyebrow. She would have expected something more creative than that. “Why not?” she whispered.
He didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure what to say.
“Hey” she sat a little closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “you can tell me everything, you know that. I swear nothing spoken in this room will ever leave it.”
“I know.” he still avoided her eyes. “It’s not about that.”
“Then what’s it about?” she insisted.
“It’s… I…” Derek took a deep breath. “I can’t tell you.”
“Why not?” she cupped his face with both her hands and forced him to look at her. His eyes were filled with concern and she could almost read his thoughts. Her jaw dropped. “It was… about… me?” she whispered.
Derek withdrew from her turning so that he was looking at the coffee table. He didn’t answer.
“Derek” she reached out to touch him but rejected that plan. “what… since when do you have these dreams?”
He shrugged: “Since… Miller.”
She swallowed hard being remembered of her fight with Deputy Miller and the thirteen hours she’d spent in that bunker – and the fact that she’d died by a hair. “What… are they about?” she asked quietly.
Derek propped his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands. “I… In my dream we… we don’t make it.” he whispered. “You’re in the bunker again or… well, anywhere else and every time… we’re too late. I… I see you dying, every night. Not only in that bunker but… in all imaginable ways.”
Now Penelope put her hand on his shoulder and kneaded it gently. “I’m here, beautiful.” she softly said. “I’m alive.”
“I know.” he replied almost not audible.
“Look at me, gorgeous.” she commanded in a low voice.
Hesitantly he turned his head to face her. Then suddenly he jumped at her and held her as tight as possible, almost crushing her. “I… I thought I lost you. When… I pulled you out of that bunker and… you weren’t breathing… your… your heart had stopped beating and I… I thought we were too late.”
“But you started CPR.” she reminded him. “You saved my life.”
“I almost lost you.” he whispered.
“That’s the good thing about it.” she smiled slightly. “Almost doesn’t count.”
He nodded and drew in a deep shaky breath. For a long time they just sat on his couch holding each other, their bodies as close as humanly possible.
“What can I do to make you feel better, gorgeous?” she finally asked and stroked his back.
“Just…” he stopped, breathed deeply and whispered. “Just stay here with me! I… I need to be sure you’re… still there.”
“Okay” she replied equally voicelessly. “I’m here, sugar, and I won’t leave, I promise.”