Title: Longing – Part 2
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Prompt for 30_forbidden: #25 Forbidden
Rating: T, most definitely
Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.
Summary: Part 8/? of the 'Love and Prejudice'-series. Penelope’s point of view again. What she thinks about the events of the afternoon, and her relationship with Derek – and with Kevin.warnings: none
AN: Thank you once again for hanging in there with me – even though it took me ridiculously long to update again. This is never going to get better, I fear. Also, thank you for all the wonderful reviews I received for this story and to everyone who put the story on their favorites list. I hope this chapter is what you expected it to be. This time, it isn’t about a situation we witness through both Derek’s and Penelope’s point of view, it’s about what they’re doing at the same time (and trust me, it’s better neither of them does witness what the other one is doing ;)).
The temperature is rising, and I know most of you think it’s time they act on their feelings already. My muse seems to have different plans, though. So, I guess we’ll all have to wait a little longer, and in the meantime stand being tortured some more.
I hope you enjoy this chapter nonetheless!
“Kevin, would you…” Penelope tried again, and sighed, annoyed. It was merely impossible to have a reasonable conversation with Kevin – especially when the topic was Derek Morgan.
“What? You expect me to stay calm when you’re away with him again?” Kevin shouted.
“Kevin, please.” Penelope’s voice became more stern. “I’m on a case with the team. It wasn’t Derek who told me to go with them, and it wasn’t my decision, either. If you want to complain, call Hotch!”
And then she made things worse once again. She hung up on him. She just couldn’t stand his jealous outbursts any longer.
Only twenty seconds later, her phone was ringing again. Penelope growled. Did he really think that she wanted to talk to him and hear his ranting right now?! Wasn’t the fact that she’d just hung up on him a sign?!
Why had she acted like that, anyway? This wasn’t the first time Kevin was jealous of Derek, but it was the first time they’d really fought about it. In fact, this was their first real fight at all – and it didn’t seem to be ending.
Whenever Kevin called her, she was annoyed, because she expected him to complain about the fact that she was ‘on the road with Derek Morgan’ again. Whenever she was annoyed, Kevin thought he’d interrupted something – and immediately burst with jealousy again.
And the fact that her mind was busy processing Derek’s strange behavior wasn’t helping a single bit. Why had he been acting so weird, lately? He kept staring at her, making her shiver every damn time she noticed it, and making the goddamn daydreams come back.
She was over this. She was over drooling over Derek Morgan every time he entered the room. She was over daydreaming about things that were never going to happen. She was over longing for him on lonely nights. Or at least, she thought she was.
The truth was, there only had to be the slightest hint that Derek might be interested in her to make her abandon all her resolutions immediately and go back to feeling like a lovestruck teenager, just like she'd felt when she’d first met Derek.
She was crazy about him, and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon, especially not with this heat. And it wasn’t only the ridiculously high temperature that made her feel this way. Every time Derek Morgan entered the room, the temperature rose sky high.
Maybe he’d noticed it, too. Maybe it wasn’t just her. Maybe he really felt the same; as if there was some kind of special connection between them.
Yeah, keep dreaming, Penelope!
Why did she have to be this obsessed with him? Why couldn’t she just move on and accept that this was never gonna happen? Why did he always have to make her feel this way???
This afternoon, when he had pressed her against the wall and pretended to be about to ravish her, she’d realized that no matter how hard she tried, she would always be at his feet; and she would never love Kevin, or anyone else for that matter, as much as she loved Derek.
He didn’t only have her heart; he had her body and her soul just as much. He had power over her. She was nothing but his marionette, and there was nothing she could do about it. No matter how much she pretended to have moved on with Kevin, the moment Derek snapped his fingers, she fell for him again.
As a matter of fact, if he’d really tried and seduced her this afternoon, she’d even cheated on her boyfriend without reconsidering it for a single second – something she’d always been sure she would never do. Yes, she was his. He could do anything he wanted with her, anytime; kiss her, make love to her – or break her heart.
Penelope couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down her face, nor the sob that escaped her mouth. She’d wanted to move on so badly. She’d wanted to finally find someone and be happy, and she’d thought she had been. She loved Kevin, after all.
But she wasn’t. Kevin just couldn’t make her happy. No matter how sweet and caring he was, no matter how much he loved her and cared about her, he wasn’t Derek – and she would never be able to love him the way she loved Derek.
Screw it! It didn’t matter that she loved Derek more than she loved Kevin. She and Derek weren’t going to happen. It was a dream, nothing more.
Oh, but what a dream it was! How good it had felt when he had been so close to her. His hot, strong body pressed against hers… The mere thought of that feeling made her shiver again. This wasn’t normal. She wasn’t acting normal; wasn’t even thinking normal.
She just couldn’t stop thinking about this afternoon and the things Derek had made her feel. God, how she’d wanted him to cross this line, to kiss her, touch her. Hadn’t he noticed how much she’d been begging for his touch?! Of course he had, and he’d enjoyed it.
He had known that he had her, that he had just needed to brush her lips with his to make her forget about the fact that she even had a boyfriend.
Stop it! Stop thinking about him! Don’t think about his luxurious body, or his hands… how they would feel on your skin…
She knew she shouldn’t think such things about another man, nor do what she was about to do while she was thinking about another man. But she couldn’t help it.
If only he had kissed her, touched her, just once. He surely would know how she wanted to be touched without having to be told. She could very well imagine how his hands would feel on her skin, how he touched her, kissed her…
Her phone started buzzing again, but she didn’t even hear it. She was wrapped up in her own little world that at the moment was only revolving around a certain agent.
She didn’t know that on the other end of the line, her long-term boyfriend was going crazy with jealousy – and he didn’t know that right now, he had every reason to be.
Penelope had to bite her lips so hard they started to bleed, to keep herself from screaming Derek’s name. With her open window and his room right next to hers, he would surely have heard her.
What on earth had gotten into her?! Penelope couldn’t believe she had just done that. For almost three years, she had managed to think about Kevin, and him only, in moments like this.
He doesn’t want you. Not this way. This is never going to happen!
She knew this was crazy. She knew she shouldn’t go back to thinking about him this way. But it felt so good. Much better than it felt when she thought about Kevin. Even if this was never going to happen in a billion years.A girl could dream, though.