little_profiler (little_profiler) wrote,
little_profiler
little_profiler

Guilt

Title: Guilt

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Morgan/Garcia

Prompt for 30_sweets: #12 Domo…; Thanks

Rating: T, because I’m not sure

Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

Summary: Part 7/? of the ‘No more sweets’-series.
warnings: none

AN: I can’t believe how many reviews I received lately. Thank you so much! I know, I’m bad at answering them promptly, but I very much appreciate all of them!

Here’s the next chapter of ‘No more sweets’. I know, I forgot to update the story in the last round of updates. I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose. I was so focused on completing another story that I really just forgot about this one.

Of course, I could never entirely forget about any of my stories. :) I don’t want to keep you from finding out what will happen between Penelope and Derek now that they finally admitted their feelings to each other. So, enjoy reading!

Hugs,

Caro

Penelope picked at her dinner and sighed. She knew it was crazy, but she still felt guilty when she ate anything. She knew she needed to eat to stay healthy, but still… For almost two weeks she had managed to defeat herself. Now, she was supposed to forget about that and behave like her normal self again. The problem was, she really wasn’t sure she could go back there just like that.

Did that mean she needed therapy? She’d read so much about anorexia over the years, and she’d always been sure she wasn’t even near being endangered. She’d always loved eating, and she’d been happy with herself just the way she was.

Or maybe she hadn’t. Maybe the whole thing wasn’t about what those girls had said, but about what she hadn’t admitted to herself for all those years. Maybe she hadn’t been happy. Maybe she had been lying to herself the whole time.

“Hey, girl,” Derek said, interrupting her thoughts. “What’s on that pretty mind of yours?”

She looked up at him and tried to give him the most honest smile she could manage. “Nothing of any importance.”

“I doubt that.” Derek frowned at her.

Penelope just gave him a questioning look in return.

Pointing his fork towards her plate, Derek explained, “You have hardly eaten anything.”

Sighing again, she replied, “I know, and it’s not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done for me. It’s just… I don’t know.”

“So…” Derek wasn’t sure how he should start this conversation, but he knew he had to make Penelope talk about it. “Do you… really want to lose weight because you don’t feel comfortable, or do you just want to do it for… well, someone else?”

“I’m not sure,” Penelope mumbled. “I… I always thought I felt good, despite the fact that I was a little chubby. But apparently, I don’t feel all that good.”

Derek put his fork aside and waited for Penelope to look at him. “Did you really just start this whole diet because of what those girls said? Or do you think you’re not beautiful?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Penelope replied quietly, looking down. “I mean, I’ve never really been slender, and I never had a problem with that. It wasn’t that I was teased at school or anything. I just always had some extra pounds, but they didn’t bother me at all.”

“What changed?” he pressed her.

“I…” Penelope sighed. She absolutely didn’t want to talk to him about that, but she knew he wouldn’t let this go. “I met you,” she finally mumbled. “From the second I saw you, I was at your feet – like every other woman. Then I realized how… sweet you are. You’re one of the most kind-hearted people I’ve ever met. I loved flirting with you. It felt great that we got along so well, and… well, sometimes, quite often, actually, I liked pretending that everything you said to me when we flirted was true.

“But I knew it was just a dream. I mean, I saw the women you were attracted to – and I knew I was far from playing in your league. I was okay with us just being friends. Then the whole thing with Battle happened, and I… I realized that it would always be a dream. That a man like you and a girl like me just weren’t gonna happen.”

Derek reached over the table to take her hand in his. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

That wasn’t exactly the reaction Penelope had expected. “For… for what?” she stuttered.

Squeezing her hand slightly, Derek replied, “For making you feel that way. For not telling you how I really felt when I should have. When that guy asked you out, I was jealous. That was why I didn’t want you to go out with him. If I’d just told you the truth, you’d never… Well, all that would never have happened.”

“No, Derek, don’t go there again,” Penelope scolded him. “We had this discussion before. That wasn’t your fault.”

“Of course, it was,” Derek objected. “If I’d been honest with you, you’d never have started to doubt yourself. I just… well, to be honest, I wasn’t so sure about your feelings for me.”

Penelope stared at him as if he was from a different planet. “You’re kidding me, right?”

Derek snorted slightly. “You think just because I look good, I don’t know anything about insecurities?”

“You don’t only look good, you’re the hottest man on this planet,” Penelope burst out. “You could have any woman you want.”

Derek just chuckled. “Even Superman was insecure about Lois Lane, right?”

“Wow, now you’re being cocky, comparing yourself with Superman,” Penelope teased.

“I’m serious, Baby Girl,” Derek told her. “I love you, just the way you are. I never thought I could feel that way for anyone, but when I first met you, I knew there was something special between us. I couldn’t name it then, or maybe I didn’t want to. I liked being single, flirting, just having fun. I didn’t want something serious. That was why I never approached you. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you. I just knew that when I crossed that line, it would be forever.

“Then Sarah told me she was gonna get married, and she told me to bring someone with me to her wedding. For me, there was only one woman I wanted to ask. But I also knew that my family would grill me about you. So I tried to come up with excuses why we were only friends, but I couldn’t. That was when I realized that there simply are no excuses. That I want you, forever. I was just too afraid to make a move on you.”

“I… I never thought you would feel that way.” Penelope sniffled and wiped her eyes.

Derek moved his chair closer to her and took her hand in his once again. “I do,” he assured her. “I love you, and I want you, and to me, you’re absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t want you to change anything about you.

“And right now…” He took her fork, shoved some of the tiramisu onto it, and held it out for her. “I want you to eat. And I want you to enjoy it, just like you used to enjoy tiramisu.”

Smiling, Penelope ate the dessert and closed her eyes happily as the sweet, marzipan-like taste filled her mouth. She moaned contentedly.

God, this woman was his doom! Derek swallowed hard at the sounds she was making. It made him want to ravish her right then and there – but he had sworn to himself that he would take things slow this time.

“See, that’s what I mean.” Derek grinned as he held out another bite for her.

Willingly, Penelope took the second bite from him, and the third. It didn’t take long before she’d emptied her plate.

“Good girl,” Derek teased, leaning closer. “That means you deserve a reward.” He crossed the short distance between them to give her a sweet, deep, and lingering kiss.

“Thank you,” she whispered as they pulled apart.

“Well, it wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy this kiss.” He winked at her.

“Not for the kiss,” Penelope replied. “Even though I absolutely enjoyed it. Thank you for making me enjoy eating again.”

Smiling seductively, Derek leaned closer and told her in a low voice, “When I’m done showing you what you can do with certain foods, you’ll never stop enjoying eating again. Trust me.”

Penelope grinned at him, but she couldn’t stop the shiver that rushed through her body.
Tags: 30_sweets_challenge, morgan/garcia, story_no_more_sweets
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