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Title: Worries, hesitancy and too much thinking – part 8

Pairing: Morgan/Garcia

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

Summary: That’s what in my humble opinion should have happened after ‘True Night’.

warnings: some angst and hurt/comfort

It was almost ridiculous, even to himself. He hadn’t been that excited since… well, he couldn’t even remember. But yet he was smiling, almost grinning the whole flight long. He heard Spencer and JJ whisper and giggle behind his back but he didn’t care.

After four weeks he was finally on the plane heading back to Quantico. He always missed Penelope, and on very long cases he missed her even more. But today it was different. He had every right to catch her in his arms and kiss her as soon as he returned. And that prospect made him excited and… simply happy.

However, when he entered her office and his eyes fell upon her, the smile made way for a concerned frown. She looked pale and exhausted, almost ill. Derek hurried over to her, pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“Hey, baby girl.” he whispered. “Are you okay?”

“I am now.” she sighed and leaned her head against his chest.

“You look ill.” Derek stated not even trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

“I’m fine.” Penelope assured and closed her eyes, cherishing the feeling of his strong arms holding her. She didn’t plan to let go of him anytime soon. “I’m just tired, that’s all. I don’t sleep very much during cases.”

“Shut your babies down, mama.” Derek commanded and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll take you home.”

“Hmm.” she mumbled and nodded slightly. Unwillingly she let go of him to turn around and shut her computers down for the night.

Derek watched her, feeling relieved and worried at the same time. Relieved because he was finally back with her. He almost couldn’t believe how much he’d missed her. He’d never missed Penelope that much before – or maybe he simply hadn’t noticed that he had.

Yet he was worried that she looked so distraught – even though he could understand she was after the recent case. He just wished Penelope would let him comfort her tonight. He desperately wanted, needed to feel her body snuggled up against him.

Penelope wasn’t sure if she should ask him but she knew that she needed to. The last thing she wanted tonight was to be alone, lying awake in her bed tossing and turning when she could have the comfort of lying in Derek’s arms.

The fact that she allowed him to drive Esther worried him even more and Derek wondered if he should just ask her what was really wrong. He watched her sink into the passenger seat and felt a sudden urge to bring her back into his arms and comfort her. He hadn’t felt that way since he’d seen her in the hospital in so much pain – pain that he’d felt he was to blame for.

When he started the engine Penelope cleared her throat and started to fumble with the light scarf she wore. “You know, I… I wondered if you’d mind… if I… well, came over to your place tonight.” her voice trailed off at the end of this sentence.

Derek turned his head to look at her not sure that she had really said what he thought he’d heard.

“I just… fear I won’t get any sleep tonight if I was alone.” she added almost not audible.

Smiling he reached over to squeeze her hand and simply replied: “Me neither.” He brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss into her palm.

Penelope entwined her fingers with his and absentmindedly stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. She was glad that Derek was back with her. The last case had simply reminded her too much of what had happened to her and she had suffered nightmares for a good week now.

They remained silent until they’d reached Derek’s apartment. Clooney greeted his master exuberantly and Penelope found herself smiling at that sight.

When Clooney saw that they had a guest he excitedly jumped up and down next to Penelope and barked a greeting wagging his tail so much that his whole backside wagged with it.

“Clooney, be careful with her!” Derek scolded his dog.

As if to show his agreement Clooney let his backside drop to the floor so that he was sitting in front of Penelope invitingly looking up at her.

She reached out and scratched the overgrown puppy behind his right ear.

Derek saw his dog melt under Penelope’s touch and chuckled. “Seems we have the same taste in women, buddy.” he grinned.

Penelope’s head shot up to stare at him for a second before she blushed and let her head sink again so that Derek couldn’t see it. “Just recently, I guess.” she mumbled.

Frowning Derek thought about the latest advice he’d gotten from his mother. He stepped towards her, turned her around and pulled her close against him so that her back was snuggled against his chest and they were both facing the huge mirror in his corridor.

“What do you see in there, baby girl?” Derek asked pointing his head towards the mirror.

Smiling she put her arms above his which were wrapped tightly around her waist and leaned her head against his shoulder. “You.” she answered.

“You know what I meant.” he softly said pressing his cheek against hers. Her soft hair tickled his skin. “When you look at yourself, what do you see?”

Penelope looked down and just shrugged.

“I’ll tell you what I see.” he stated and kissed her cheek. “I see a very beautiful and incredibly smart young woman who is willing to sacrifice herself, her job, even her whole life for other people without asking for anything in return. I see the most caring and most compassionate person I ever met.

When I look into your face I see the sultriest lips I can imagine. While you’re speaking your tongue is flipping over them, just slightly and I’m sure you don’t even notice you do that. But it drives me crazy every time.

Every day you manage to surprise me by the way you do your hair. It’s beautiful, no matter what you do with it. I loved the braids you wore that night I stayed with you, they made your face look so innocent, almost childlike. And I love the pigtails you sometimes wear because they make you look so jaunty. But what I love most is when those golden locks are framing your beautiful face. And recently I discovered that I also love the way your hair smells.

Your skin is so much like porcelain that you appear almost vulnerable. And yet you proved so many times how brave and strong you are. You went through so much pain but you never complained, not even once. You fought like a lion and you surpassed yourself.

But the first thing I noticed about you were your gorgeous brown eyes. When I look into them it’s almost like I can look right into your heart. And I see so much warmth and love in them that I’m stunned every single time. You have so much to offer, Penelope. And I still don’t know what I did to deserve that you offer it to me.

You never fail to make me smile no matter how bad things are. Our phone bantering was much more important to me than I ever told you or even realized myself. It kept me sane even during the worst cases. And I’m sorry it took almost losing you for me to realize what I have and how I feel about you.

I never thought I could find a woman like you. After what happened to me I built a huge shield around me and I swore an oath to myself that I’d never let anyone in again. I don’t know how you managed to get behind that shield but you did and I’m very glad about that. Because you did what no one else could. You healed me. You warmed me. And most of all you showed me that letting someone in doesn’t necessarily mean getting hurt.”

The tears had sprung to her eyes somewhere in the middle of his second sentence and were now uncontrollably running down her cheeks. She raised her hand to caress his cheek and said: “When I realized that he had done the same to you I desperately wanted to… take all this pain away from you. I always thought I could do almost anything with my babies – but the one thing that was most important to me I couldn’t do. I couldn’t undo your past.”

“I felt the same when I saw you in the hospital in so much pain.” he softly replied. “And it was even worse to know that in a way I had caused it. I wanted you to feel good and safe again. That’s when I finally realized how much you mean to me I guess. I love you, Penelope, in every possible way.”

“Thank you.” she whispered and turned in his embrace to bury her face in his chest once again. “I love you too. And you did, you took the pain away from me.”

“Apparently not all of it.” he whispered gently swaying her in his arms.

“I’m sure you will.” Penelope sniffled. “I just need some time.”

“And you need to let me do so.” Derek softly added.

For a long time they were standing in his corridor holding each other while Clooney sat next to them trying to find out what to make out of this situation while he watched them.

Derek started to worry that his words might have offended her. He was about to apologize when she finally spoke.

“I’m glad you’re back, handsome.” Penelope raised her head and locked eyes with him. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, goddess.” he smiled and leaned down to capture her lips with his. God, it felt so unbelievably good to kiss her again.

A soft moan escaped Penelope’s lips as he pulled her close against him. The memory of being shot had come back to her during the recent case. All victims had been shot in the abdomen left to bleed to death and Penelope had started to wonder about how much pain the victims must have felt before they died – and about how much pain she’d felt for over a month. But Derek’s touch and their soft kiss made the memories fade again.

When he finally had to break the kiss for air Derek put his hand on the nape of her neck kneading it gently his forehead leaning against hers.

“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked quietly without releasing her from his embrace.

“That would be great.” she nodded.

After another minute of enjoying the mutual touch Derek pulled back and led her to his bathroom. “I’ll change the bedding.” he explained before he left her alone. “You can have the bed, I’ll take the couch.”

He took out the flashiest bedding he had which was a blue fabric with some dolphins on it his sister Sarah had bought him – for a reason only she knew. But for the first time he was glad he had it because he was sure Penelope would love it.

Derek decided to take a quick shower himself when Penelope was finished. After ten minutes he was heading back to his bedroom to check if she needed anything. Carefully he knocked on the door.

“Come in!” she called.

Derek opened the door to find her sitting on his bed, the blanket covering her body up to her hips. “Do you have everything you need?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” she smiled. “Thanks.”

Slowly Derek stepped closer, sat down on the bed and reached out to stroke her cheek. “Have a good night’s sleep, sweetness.” he softly said. Then he leaned forward to kiss her forehead and stood up again.

Penelope quickly grabbed his hand and held him back.

Turning back to her Derek raised both his eyebrows giving her a questioning look. “Is there anything you need?” he asked when she didn’t speak.

“Actually… yes.” she whispered and looked down again.

Derek sat back down on the bed, cupped her chin with his hand and made her look at him again but she kept avoiding his eyes. She still had a hard time asking him for anything. “Just tell me, baby girl!” he softly commanded. “I promise I’ll get you anything you want.”

“You know, I… it’s just that…” she stumbled but didn’t dare finish the sentence.

“Tell me!” he repeated. “Whatever it is, I’ll get it for you.”

“Will you… hold me?” she finally asked still refusing to look at him.

A radiant smile spread across his face and he caressed her cheek once again. “There’s nothing I’d like to do more tonight.” He stood up to switch off the light in the living room and quickly hurried back to the beautiful blonde in his bed.

Penelope moved over and Derek immediately crawled under the blanket spreading his arms.

Smiling she placed her head on his muscular chest and snuggled up as close to him as humanly possible closing her eyes happily. She felt safe and comfortable in his arms.

Gently kissing the top of her head Derek took in the scent of her hair and whispered: “Do you want to tell me what kept you up during the past nights? It wasn’t just the case, right?”

For a long time she didn’t say anything. Then she decided that telling him could be the first step of finally opening up to him. “This case… made the nightmares come back.”

He pulled back a little to look at her in concern pushing a strand out of her face and asked: “Baby girl, why didn’t you tell me?”

She just shrugged: “I didn’t want to bother you.”

“I’m your boyfriend.” he whispered and kissed her forehead. “You’re supposed to bother me with things like that.”

Penelope raised her head to give him a quick peck on his lips and put it back on his chest without ever really looking at him. “I know.” she assured. “I just… need some time to get used to it, I guess. I’m used to dealing with things like that on my own.”

“You don’t have to.” Derek wrapped his arms tighter around her. “I’m here to comfort you whenever you need it.”

“Thank you.” she whispered. “I appreciate that.”

“Whoa, hey, this is not a sacrifice I make.” Derek almost scolded her. “And it’s not that the comfort isn’t mutual. I love to hold you.”

“I love that too.” she whispered and snuggled up even closer against him knowing that tonight she would finally be able to get the strengthening sleep she needed.


Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
crazy_aupair
Feb. 17th, 2008 04:03 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was so incredible cute :)
Usually I hate mushy scenes, but the mirror scene literally made some tears escape from my eyes. Hahaha I think my friends would be shocked to find out I have a soft mushy side after all lol.
Really good chapter! Hope to update my fic some day as well hahaha.
little_profiler
Feb. 17th, 2008 05:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks. *giggles* If my friends knew that I actually write mushy scenes like that they would be more than shocked! LOL But from time to time it's necessary in a story, I think. ;)
doughts
Oct. 5th, 2014 08:38 pm (UTC)
It's raining on my face
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )