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Doubts

Title: Doubts

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Morgan/Garcia

Prompt for 30_sweets: #19 No, it can’t be…

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

Summary: Part 8/? of the ‘No more sweets’-series. Penelope still can’t trust Derek’s feelings.

warnings: none


AN: Hey everyone, I know, it’s been a ridiculously long time again. I’ll explain everything at a later date, but right now, I can’t talk about all of it and honestly don’t have the time, either.

Thanks for still hanging in there with me and still reviewing my stories to keep me motivated. Thanks for your patience and your sympathy as well as all the encouraging words when my life is turned upside down again. You have no idea how much it helps.

Now, I really hope you enjoy this little update.

Take care,

Caro

She sighed as she examined herself in the mirror. She so wasn’t his type. She knew it, he knew it; everyone else could see it. As a matter of fact, she wasn’t anyone’s type. At least she hadn’t been so far. Not for a lasting relationship, anyway.

It had been the fact that she had stopped eating. He felt guilty; he’d said it himself. That was why he was with her. That was why he had said all those things about loving her. He didn’t love her. Not this way. No one did.

Penelope couldn’t stop the tears that started running down her cheeks. How could anyone be interested in her? How could a man like Derek be interested in her??? It couldn’t be true. She knew it. He was with her out of pity, and she didn’t want that.

But would he really do that to her? Would he just pretend to love her so that she felt better? Yeah, he would, because he loved her – as a friend. There was nothing more… There couldn’t be. He didn’t feel this way for her. He hadn’t so far.

Her head was spinning as her mind tried to process what had happened that day. She had stopped eating because she wanted to be more attractive to make Derek finally take notice of her. Had it really been unnecessary?

Well, it had at least been useless, that much she could tell from the reflection in Derek’s bathroom mirror staring back at her. She hadn’t lost a single ounce, and she certainly hadn’t become any more attractive.

Face it, Penelope, you’ll never be like them! You’ll never be good enough.

Yeah, she could never be good enough for Derek. She certainly didn’t want him to ruin his life just because he was worried about her. He could do so much better than her. She needed to end this; sooner, rather than later.

“Hey, beautiful, you okay in there?” she heard Derek’s voice call through the door.

These words made her realize she couldn’t just end this. She never wanted him to stop calling her nicknames, never wanted him to stop pretending that he loved her the way she wanted him to love her.

Penelope couldn’t repress a sob.

Carefully, Derek opened the door and stuck his head in. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, appalled.

She couldn’t answer. How was she supposed to tell him what she thought about his intentions?! How was she supposed to tell him that she doubted him and his feelings?!

Derek stepped closer and caught her in his arms. She was standing in front of his mirror, and he didn’t need to be a profiler to figure out what she’d been thinking about.

“You know, I wouldn’t call you beautiful if I didn’t think the name suited you,” he softly told her, kissing the top of her head.

Penelope just sniffled in his arms and snuggled up closer against him. She never wanted him to let go of her again.

“You think I just made a move on you because you stopped eating,” he guessed. When he felt her body tense in his embrace, he knew he was right. “You know that I love you, but you don’t think I can love you in a romantic way.”

“I… hate… profilers,” she sobbed against his chest. God, she felt so stupid, ashamed – and worried. How would he react to that? What if she was right? What if she wasn’t, and he was mad at her now?

Derek put his hand under her chin to lift her head and make her look at him. “I asked you to go with me to my sister’s wedding before I even knew about you not eating, right?”

She nodded.

“And I asked you to meet my family before I found out,” he added.

“Yeah,” she just whispered, not sure what he wanted her to say to that.

“Why would I have done that, if all this was merely out of pity?” he softly asked.

“I… don’t know,” she sniffled.

“I love you, babycakes, and I’m not with you out of pity or guilt or anything. I’m with you because I want to be with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, because I can’t even imagine a single day without you anymore,” he told her in a soft, but intent voice.

Penelope looked down and bit her lip.

But Derek made her look up at him again. “I’m not mad at you for feeling this way, sweetness. I understand. I just want to try and assure you your worries are needless.” He gently brushed his thumb over her cheek, and then leaned down to capture her lips with his.

Penelope sighed happily and melted into his embrace. This so was the way to assure her.

“You taste sweeter than everything I’ve ever tried, you know that?” Derek whispered as they broke the kiss.

“That’s the cherry lipstick,” she giggled.

Derek leaned down and kissed her again. “Nope,” he disagreed, grinning. “Definitely you and not lipstick.”

“Are you sure?” she teased, flirting. “You don’t need to try again?”

“No, I don’t need to,” he chuckled, “but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.” He leaned down once more for another breathtaking kiss.

“I love you, Baby Girl.” He let his finger stroke over her cheek, her jawline, and her neck, making her shiver. “And I absolutely want you. I love to kiss you, I love to touch you. There’s nothing about you I don’t love – at least I haven’t found anything so far. I will never stop loving you, ever. I know feelings can change, but I also know my feelings for you won’t.”

“I’m sorry,” Penelope whispered. “I didn’t mean to… doubt you or your feelings. It’s just…”

“You can’t believe I’m really serious,” Derek finished the sentence for her. He couldn’t even blame her for feeling that way.

“This is just… too good to be true.” She leaned her head back against his chest, breathing in the scent of him.

Smiling, Derek wrapped both his arms tightly around her. “Well, I guess I’ll have to spend the rest of my life showing you that this is real then.”

“I hope that’s gonna be a long time,” Penelope mumbled, closing her eyes happily.

Derek smiled. “Yeah, me, too. Now come on, I have some homemade chocolate cookies from my mom you just have to try.”

“Hot Stuff, if you keep fatting me up like this, I’m not gonna fit into the dress you bought me for the wedding.” Penelope giggled.

“Trust me, I know some very nice ways to use up the excessive calories.” He waggled his eyebrows at her.

Penelope shivered at his words. God, how long did he plan on doing this? He was driving her crazy, and he did that on purpose. What did he want her to do? Ravish him?

Oh, if only she dared…

Comments

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
lzod
Dec. 14th, 2010 02:20 pm (UTC)
totally loved this one! :)
little_profiler
Dec. 14th, 2010 08:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! Glad you liked it.
ladybelletrist
Dec. 14th, 2010 10:12 pm (UTC)
I loved this...especially Morgan understanding Garcia's fears and doing his best to help her see how much he loved her. Great job!
little_profiler
Dec. 18th, 2010 08:55 am (UTC)
Thanks so much for commenting! I'm glad you liked the chapter.

Well, Morgan will have to work some more. Can't make it too easy for him, you know me. But I'm rather sure you'll like the next chapter. ;)
Sara Marie
Dec. 15th, 2010 04:46 am (UTC)
another great chapter. loved him reassuring her
little_profiler
Dec. 18th, 2010 08:56 am (UTC)
Thank you so much! Glad you liked it.

Sometimes, we all need someone to reassure us when we have doubts, don't we? I know, I do. LOL
reseda_3067
Dec. 15th, 2010 08:10 am (UTC)
Wow! This really struck home. I can really relate to Garcia´s fears of not being worthy of a certain man´s love. This was great! As usual, I must add.

Oh! And glad Morgan could make her see sense. Now all he has to do, is marry her to make it all perfect!
little_profiler
Dec. 18th, 2010 08:58 am (UTC)
Yeah, I can relate to her fears so well... ;) I think it's natural. If you really love someone, you want the best for him or her - and you always think you're just not good enough.

Hehe, well hold your horses! Can't make it too easy for them... Morgan has to work some more before we get to the cheesier parts. :)
reseda_3067
Dec. 19th, 2010 10:05 am (UTC)
You´re evil, girl! lol!
csichicky
Dec. 16th, 2010 06:01 am (UTC)
That Morgan wish we could clone him. Loved this chapter Penelopes feelings strike a cord in so many ways But then of course Morgan steps in to smooth everything over. And yes Pen you so should dare. Loved it hon and cant wait for more please
little_profiler
Dec. 18th, 2010 08:59 am (UTC)
Oh, yeah, I'd love one! *raises hand* :)

Well, Morgan will assure her some more in the next chapter - but in very nice ways. ;) As usual, I'll try and update soon.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )